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The Life and Times of Grandpa Parm & Scheme-On

Nonchalant Domination…

james2Nonchalant Domination…

The Importance of Finesse

(Style, Life, Sports)

 

San Diego, CA (11/29/08) – Now I don’t consider myself someone who possesses any exceptional talent or even someone with good style for that matter, but last night in Encinitas while sapping a non-alcoholic Tecate light (courtesy of Stamp’D LA – thanks barn) I managed to nonchalantly dominate Chris Stamp, Jerrell Wallace and this girl named Melly at high-stakes ping pong. We moved on to Goldschlager / cranberry and charades… nonchalantly dominated. We moved on to the Saloon… nonchalantly dominated. We moved on to D-Street… nonchalantly dominated. We moved on to 4th meal Susan Stamp Thanksgiving leftovers… nonchalantly dominated. Next thing I knew I nonchalantly woke up extremely hungover and I nonchalantly epiphanized that in these troubled times of economic peril and unprecedented violence, finesse and nonchalant domination is what really matters. These qualities are absolutely critical to achieving success and respect as we move through life. According to a freakishly short drug-addict, woman beating, politically retarded, bankrupt black child star whose character name rhymes with fester, nonchalant domination can be defined as having an air of easy unconcern or indifference while exercising mastery, supremacy, preeminence or ruling power over another. Whether socially, professionally, in sports, or just in life, some feel that the end result is all that matters, but I would argue that the way in which an individual goes about achieving that end result makes all the difference. Individuals like Allan Iverson of the Detroit Pistons, Leon Washington of the New York Jets, Tom Penny of the skateboarding world; people like this are what make life worth living and sports worth watching. The ability to accomplish an extremely difficult task and look good doing it is a highly commendable quality and something we all should strive for in our own lives, because if you can’t exude a level of finesse and nonchalant domination in your craft, you might as well be Tim Duncan or George W. Bush.  

 

Get Nonchalant or Go Home

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November 30, 2008 Posted by | Life, Sports, Style | , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

Diamonds Are For Suckers…

Diamonds Are For Suckers…
A Girl’s Best Friend Revealed
(Marketing, Economy, Style)

San Francisco, CA, 10/13/08 – First of all, I just want to say, no offense to anyone getting married or anyone who has bought a diamond for themselves or someone else. A diamond’s strength and aesthetic qualities are very impressive, but have you ever thought about the reason why a diamond is the end on and be all when it comes to wedding rings? No? Well maybe that’s because you’re a fucking sucker and will go out and drop two months salary on a little rock just because you think you’re suppose to. Bottom line… it’s marketing at its best. For most of the 20th century, De Beers sold 85% to 90% of the diamonds mined worldwide. With this leverage, it could artificially keep diamond prices stable by matching its supply to world demand. Although, with competition on the rise, the way De Beers did business was simply not viable anymore. In the face of declining market share, De Beers began focusing on adding value to the diamonds already under its dominion through marketing and branding initiatives. In the late nineteen forties, De Beers hired an advertising agency to help increase its sale of diamonds. The agency, N.W. Ayer, developed an extremely successful campaign linking diamonds and romance. The campaign invented the slogan “A Diamond Is Forever,” meaning that a diamond is a never-ending sign of love. It also meant that a diamond would always keep its value. The company continues to use the slogan in its advertising more than fifty years later and reports say it has been used to advertise diamonds in at least twenty-nine languages. The advertising industry also recognized the huge success of the saying. In 2000, Advertising Age magazine named “A Diamond Is Forever” the best advertising slogan of the twentieth century. While De Beers has achieved its stronghold on impressionable fiancés everywhere, they have also indirectly caused the sought-after gemstone to become the driving force behind dictators and revolutionary entities, especially in Africa, using slave labor to mine blood diamonds to fund conflicts. A blood diamond (also called a converted diamond, conflict diamond, hot diamond or a war diamond) refers to a diamond mined in a war zone and sold to finance an insurgency, invading army’s war efforts, or a warlord’s activity. A conflict-free diamond is a diamond whose profits are not used to fund wars and which is produced and mined under ethical conditions. Only diamonds that are certified and can be traced from the mine to the consumer are conflict-free diamonds. However, conflict diamonds are still being sold today into the international diamond market as clean. So when you’re out there at the mall about to throw down some scrill for your girl, remember that while you may be the man of her dreams, you’re also one gullible murderer.

Get Suckered or Go Home…
Scheme-On

October 14, 2008 Posted by | Economy, Marketing, Style | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 4 Comments

You Ain’t Artsier Than Me…

You Ain’t Artsier Than Me…
Cause you wait 5 hours for a limited tee!

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San Francisco, CA, 8/30/08 – So this morning I stumble out of my compartment in TL Heights pretty haggard from a night in the Mish with a serious breakfast crepe and triple latte on the mind and I see a good 50 people waiting in line in front of one of the newer street apparel boutiques, The Hundreds, which is actually a tight shop with its cave-like aesthetic so I stroll up to the front of the line and ask the young Filipino girl with flannel shit, tight jeans, and Nikes what the deal is and she responds, “They’re releasing a new hat yo!” So my question now isn’t what the barnacle parade is doing, but why? I understand that you’re cooler than everyone else if you have gear they don’t, but that fact that you and your whole crew are sitting out there like 16 year olds at the DMV all waiting to buy the same fucking hat kind of defeats the purpose doesn’t it? Now you and all your brand whore friends can sport that extremely simple yet overly priced hat together and feel way cooler than the rest of society who doesn’t give a fuck… Yes!

Get Yours or Go Home…
Scheme-On

August 31, 2008 Posted by | Fashion | , , , , , , | 4 Comments